I'm convinced that Japan has it ALL figured out, no fucking joke. the proof is in many things including but not limited to; technology, business, tradition, sushi, candy, karate, ninjas, samurais, bonsai trees, the coolest flag, sake, Daniel Larusso, pepper steak, geishas, insane game shows, Takeshi Kitano....and now this. The "this" I speak of is "host" bars.
Prior to watching "The Great Happiness Space: Tale of an Osaka Love Thief", I had only heard of "hostess bars". Hostess bars are places where Japanese men(mostly married business types), go to sit down, have a drink, and enjoy the company of a woman or women, which they are paying for, of course. Don't get it twisted, this is not specifically a strip club or a whorehouse (although sometimes, of course, money can buy you anything), this is a bar where you pay for the drinks of the woman that is sitting with you, you pay for her time in how much you both drink. But what you are essentially doing is paying for company, not sex. Paying for a woman to listen to your problems, your dreams and your nightmares is really not too far removed from a psychologist, only in a sexy, fun, setting. I can see how that can make some kind of sense to a(and this is a generalization here) lonely, mid-life crisis man at the end of his rope, groping for attention from the depths of his wallet...but what about these "host" bars? Can there actually be a place on earth where the tables are turned? Where do you find women who are willing to pay men to hang out with them? Where is this Bizarro universe where a decent (and sometimes excruciatingly cute) woman needs to pay a dude to hang around her? That universe, my friends, is fucking Japan!!
While Jeff is hanging at the crib again, we, along with Mari, are cycling through the options of what to watch for what seems to be yet another one of our impromptu movie nights. Ever since this fucker has come back to town, it seems that we've tried to squeeze in as much movie watchage in before he takes off on tour again, which works out beautifully for us both, since we just can't stop watching movies. After like 2 or 3 suggestions, we go with Jeff's suggestion of "Big Happiness Space". He had seen it before and it did not take much for Mari and I to go "Whaaat?! Hell yeah, let's see that!"...naturally. We were expecting to be entertained, but man we were really sucked into this weird secret world that is the host bar scene. What happens here is something so interesting that once you start watching, you just can't stop, it's like watching animals fuck or people fall, your eyes are laughing but your mind is disgusted...okay maybe not disgusted, but just a little disturbed. The movie centers around a little corner of weird called Rakkyo Cafe, a host bar owned by the top dog in the male (sort of) prostitute game in Osaka: 22 year old Issei. This guy is a damn genius (sorry ladies, but it's true!) Everything about him is catered to what Japanese young women with money want, and apparently what they want is a funny, waif-like emo Barbie doll to spend thousands (I'm not kidding) and thousands (again, this is real money we're talking about)of dollars on...to party with them. with. no. sex. What the fuck?! How does this work?! And to make it even more fucked up, let me tell you that the no sex thing is the host's strategy. These guys will sometimes eventually have sex with these ladies, but once they do, the women rarely come back. So, in order to keep these girls hooked, they string them along and squeeze as much dough out of these girls. Pretty fucked up huh? You have no idea. What's worse is the revealing of the vicious cycle this lifestyle fuels. Watch this and take a shower immediately after.
In keeping with my heavy metal theme from my last post, I decided to share with you the greatest 17 minutes of film (actually a really old video recording....remember video?) dedicated to the rabid, drunk, stoned, usually shirtless and toothless metal fans of the eighties, and it goes by the name of Heavy Metal Parking Lot. This elusive documentary was the stuff of legend for quite some time. It was shot in 1986, and instantly became this bootleg that people just passed from one set of dirty grubby hands to another, dubbing it first, then passing it on. And on. And on. I learned from imdb.com that it didn't see a proper theatrical release until 1997. That's 11 years after the fact!! How awesome is that!? Not convinced? Well let me feed you some info on this documentary by describing what it is NOT. It is not complex, intellectual, introspective or engaging. What it IS is a document from the dirty bowels of the eighties; it's a twenty minute short doc about the fine ladies and gentlemen that inhabit the parking lot prior to a Judas Priest show in 1986. Period. This genius idea came to two guys (John Heyn & Jeff Krulik) out of nowhere. Heavy Metal was all the rage and Judas Priest was coming to their town...so why the fuck not? How the hell would they know that what they would capture would be pure, golden, molten lava-like scenes of magic? They didn't.
After hearing of this movie for at least 10 years, I finally was able to watch it (it got a pretty fine dvd release in 2006) and man, when I have to resort to a cliche to describe something to you, you know it's fucking good, but I seriously felt like I was in a time machine when I watched this! I was only 10 years old in 1986, but shit do I remember the fabulous fashions and of course, the music. The utterly hilarious and jaw dropping characters paraded before you in Heavy Metal Parking Lot are like the representatives of every slice of metalhead that existed in those days. There's really no way other than to present you with a snippet from one of the most memorable people in the movie, dubbed "Zebraman" by fans of HMPL.
Behold!
and make sure you don't rob yourself of these nuggets below.
twenty and....THIRTEEN?! Really?!
Yeah, it's like that. There's a river of greatness in these 17 little minutes, trust me. Mari and I could not stop laughing the whole way through. It's like a whip-it with no end...well actually it does end, so it's like a 17 minute whip-it, you almost devolve while watching it that's how powerful it is. But trust me, you want a full length feature, well, at least I did. It almost makes you want to go back and live it, but with teeth and shampoo. Please please please watch this and let me know what you think. Seriously, it probably took you longer to get through this post than it would've taken to watch Heavy Metal Parking Lot.
So recently I've been scouring the Netflix for western and documentary titles, and have been bitten by the odd and interesting bug, finding myself adding the stuff that jumps out at me due to kooky content. So my instant queue on my Xbox 360 is backed up for blocks, every time I'm browsing through them, Mari (and myself, I must confess) gets really annoyed because of the sound it makes when you shuffle through titles. It's like a combination of a bubble wrap pop and and underwater fart, and it's loud. So as I'm "pwop pwop pwopping" through the queue, I usually have an inner dialogue with myself, telling myself to "either watch some of this shit or fucking delete it, you're not suppose to collect them like Garbage Pail Kids, you're supposed to watch 'em, moron". So I've kind of started cleaning house when given the chance, and started to watch some of this shit. A couple of days ago I decided to check out two documentaries, one that I had added and the one I had in the mail(yes, I know, I gotta get a western in here soon), they were "Confessions of a Superhero" & "Man on Wire".
First up was "Confessions of a Superhero", directed by Matt Ogens which was pretty entertaining. The concept is to basically tag around with these people that dress up like superheroes and stand around outside places like Mann's Chinese Theater in LA. There's a Superman, a Wonder Woman, an Incredible Hulk and a Batman. On the surface, these folks are basically panhandlers that beg for tips after you take pictures with them. The Superman dude has been at it for a while, and it shows. He basically knows the ropes and kind of is the elder in the film, letting you into the world of Super-Begging and what you can and can't do. It's pretty heartbreaking to watch these people until the Batman dude comes on....the guy's a total douche, getting pissed off and proclaiming "you know, we work for tips!" to tourists as they walk away from him after taking a picture with him. They all ask for tips, but when he does it it's like that homeless guy that asks you for money and you can't tell if he's begging or mugging you. It's like this; buddy, nobody fucking told you to put on a fucking rubber suit and stand under the California sun, you're self employed, taking advantage of the love people have for these characters that you did not create, so fuck off. If you wanna wear a costume and get paid, go work at a theme park. You are standing in front of someone's property, wearing the identity of someone else's creation and feeding on the tourists like a fucking vampire, get a fucking job yo. The guy is rude and downright nasty, which basically kills the vibe of the flick. Everyone else is just a happy go lucky "tryin' to make it in Hollywood" type of actor that just seems to be stuck in this weird world of costumed photo ops, which makes for interesting psychological analysis and movie banter when the interviews start. I don't want to give anything away, but the Superman guy has a really really unhealthy obsession with Christopher Reeves and Superman in general. Definitely check this out, it has it's moments, but don't say I didn't warn you about Batdouche.
Next item up for bid was a documentary directed by James Marsh called "Man on Wire", a movie that for some reason I had high expectations for and I have no idea why. I was pretty happy when i received this in the mail and was pretty damn stoked to see it. This is the retelling of a pretty magnificent feat that happened in 1974; some dude illegally walked across a tightrope he and his friends set up across both of the World Trade Center Towers....did I mention this was done illegally?
Fucking wow right? It's like, "How the fuck?" Super cool I thought, this HAS to be interesting........bullshit. The problem with this doc is not the event or the editing or the blah blah blah, quite simply, the guy that actually did the tightrope thing....was fucking annoying man! His name is Phillipe Petit (even his name sucks) and the biggest mistake the people behind this film made was not waiting until this guy died to make a movie about him. I know it sounds fucked up but jeez, this guy was a fucking rash on my balls. Seriously man, it's cool and all that you snuck up to the top of the WTC and like on some fucking Mission:Impossible meets Barnum & Bailey tip gave the world a sight they'll never forget, but shut up about it a little bit, you know, fucking humbleness and shit. We are forced to swallow some of the most animated and obnoxious anecdotes about this guy...told by the same guy. Don't get me wrong, there are other people talking about it that were there, but nobody kisses this guy's ass like himself. Basically, the footage is cool and the breakdown of the planning and buildup to the actual event is highly interesting, but somebody put a muzzle on this guy. I recommend watching this with the volume turned down and some Edith Piaf blasting through your speakers, it's less annoying, believe it or not, and it's not because he's French, he's just a circus performer. Annoying Dude's face and trailer clip below.
